Get it Right

Sometimes I think that to be with God I have to get it right when it is quite the contrary. It's like in John bob's song that he wrote a while ago that still reminds me today:

Sometimes I think that to get near you I have to get it right
But the only way to really ever get it right is to be near you
Sometimes I think that you're so hard when it's my fist that's tight
So arrogant to think that I could ever do is enough to be near you

And still you reach out your hand
You look inside and you understand
You know the sickness of this man
And yet you want me near you...

Sometimes I think that to get near you that I have to be filled with light
But the only way to really be filled with light is to be near you
Sometimes I want to make you smile but all I ever do is fight
So silly to think that I would ever have to fight to be near you

And still your arms are open wide
Though I might be naked I don't have to hide
You became flesh  and you lived an died just to have me near you

All I have to do is let go of all the things I have tied to myself
All I have to do is say no to everything that I would make of myself
All I have to say is there is nothing I can ever change about myself

There's nothing I can do
It's nothing without You
Just walking next to You...is what will make us free

So here I stand with all my plans laid open in your light
They all seem to stand between me and the need to be near you
None of it seems to matter when you've got me in your sight
Burn every single thing if it means that I'll get to stay near you

...and I'll listen to the wind blowing in the trees
Your sweet song brings me to my knees
Singing that the goal of everything I see
Is to have me near you

Everything he wrote in that song is so true. I have also thought that God would change His love for me when I am really the one who wants to change because I find His unending love awkward at times. Half of the time I am so caught up in what to do about it that I forget to just enjoy it and love Him back. I don't know why I keep thinking that I have to earn His love somehow because I can never really earn His love- it's just there waiting for me to notice it.
When trials come it is hard for me to see that His love is still there. I just think that through my problems He is trying to point out how wrong I am and 'sit' on my head. I don't know how many times I will end up saying this in my posts but I was so wrong and for that I am glad. In the Bible somewhere, I am horrible with memorizing the actual versus, it says that we all have a piece of Christ living in us, since we are a part of Christ's body on the earth. I forget that He actually lives inside of me and get bored of doing good deeds, taking the lower place, and being my brother's keeper. I am human. I don't know why it is so hard for me to admit this. I remember when I was younger, Aubrey used to always tell me that humans will always make mistakes but that is part of the beauty of learning. She was right too. I guess I have always wanted to be something better and thought I could be something better than a human when He is the one who put me in this flesh with a beating heart.
I guess through this post I wanted to confirm to myself that I should be glad that I cannot get things right, but rejoice in being by His side. I want to make the most out of living life right now as a single woman and use that time wisely. I'm sure it is hard for my friends to keep me accountable in this because when they are right about coming to me, I get mad and either yell back at them or condemn myself. Neither is productive so now that I have recognized this weakness, I will try to do better at it. Someday I am going to make this shirt that has a big 'L' on it that represents 'learner'. My mom always said when I was little that I should always have an 'L' stamped on my forehead that let everyone know that I wanted to be a learner. Hopefully when I am able to stamp that letter on my forehead and wear that shirt, other people outside of the village will not think that the 'L' stands for loser! LOL! Anyways, it's the thought that counts :)
Thank you God that I am the imperfect, learning, and sometimes oblivious person that You made me. Please teach me how to accept myself the way I am and to stop fixing myself when things go wrong. For I am fearfully and wonderfully made by the one who knows the needs of the doves and clothes the lilies in radiance that man can never truly duplicate. I am blessed to be near you...

True Friendship

I have been learning so much about this phrase recently; at least so much more than I thought I knew before. You know how when you ask God to help you with your struggles, like I have been asking God to help me not be so selfish, it seems like He gives you a chance to prove that you can be better? Well that keeps happening and after so many times of trying to get it 'right' I tend to give up on myself and the people around me. I am glad that I have so many friends encouraging me to keep running the race before me and believing in me. It makes such a big difference I don't know how to explain it enough.
Anyways, it dawned on me not too long ago that the Devil likes it when I am absorbed in myself and forget the reason what I am living for. Like I wrote in a much earlier post, he can break me easier when I am alone versus when I am surrounded by the people of God. I would keep getting these whispers in my ear of how maybe some friends were just enduring my faults to get at my good characteristics but it isn't necessarily true. Hannah, Jubilee, and Miss Dossie are classic examples of that because I keep second guessing myself and my beliefs of how much they are for me. I forget how much we have gone through together and how much they really do love me. I guess through all of this writing I want to thank my friends that keep me walking on the straight and narrow path towards the Father. I really am very grateful for every one of them :)

Thank you so much everyone for your support in everything! I love you!

So Blessed Beyond Everything We Deserve

Well, I wanted to share this video link on here to one of the most amazing stories I have ever heard! It reminds me how much I take every day life for granted and how I really should enjoy every moment I have on this earth.

I'll admit that I have been a bit selfish as of recently because I wonder why I find it so hard to accept myself the way I am (because of a few things that have happened before the Ingathering that still seem to effect me).  I don't want to get so focused on myself that I forget the reason why I am living and that is sort-of what happened. I am ashamed that I didn't catch this earlier and want to repent to everyone here and God for not realizing the self pity I was letting myself wallow in. I really do want to serve God and His people with all of my heart, mind , soul, and body. I want to give Him my everything because He is my everything! Thank you so much to all my friends, especially the ones who are bold enough to honestly stand up and talk to me when I am a sloppy mess and ooze all over them. I don't mean to let anyone down, especially God, because I am human so I will need as much grace as God can provide for me in these moments. Thank you again to all my true friends and may the God of Abraham bless every breath you breathe and every step you take to reach for those who need His love.

http://m.godtube.com/watch/?v=0J2MCFNU&utm_source=GodTube%20Must-See%20-%20Mobile&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=11/05/2012

Lead Me to the Lonely

I use to think that I only needed being saved by God once, but as I grow older I tend to find that I need saving more now just as much as I did before.It is a misconception I have let myself believe for several years that since I have officially been 'saved' means that I am better than my fellow sinners, or more accurately the ones I see struggling with believing at all. I unjustly judge people this way and I say I am sorry so many times I wonder if I will ever truly change. I become so self righteous that it is hard to see myself properly in the mirror. I'm ashamed to say that I have believed my own mind in thinking that I am better than my friends that are struggling. When I go to talk to my brother and mother about how it is just too hard to see the good in these people because they annoy me with the way they carelessly say things or just are, they remind me that God came for the lonely. I forget that I too was lonely and a sinner before God came and found me and called me His own. Jesus Christ came for sinners, for the brokenhearted, for the lonely, for the ones who do not get it right, for the ones who could care less if they lived another day, for the starving and thirsty, for the widow and orphan, for every evil that it would be made good through Him. It's amazing that such a pure love would allow itself to become broken and spat upon just to be with us.To be friends with us forever and ever into eternity. I can never comprehend such a love and so I try not imagining it at all, which tends to make me think that God's love is more subdued than what the bible says. Mind you I can be very wrong about this, this is just my perception and it is willing to change with some patient guidance.

Anyways, my point is that Christ came for every sinner and not for the perfect. I don't know why I thought that I was getting somewhere close to perfection when I am still so far from it, yet I have the audacity to judge a sinner. It's like God has been telling me to remove the plank of wood in my own eye before I can get the splinter of wood out of my brother's eye. Just being able to see myself as a sinner still trying to walk the straight and narrow seems to be so hard for me to visualize and yet that is what I really am. Sure I have been redeemed with precious blood and I am made a new creature in Him. That does not give me any excuse to judge no matter what I feel like. It just doesn't.

I have been told by my parents that it is better to assume the best in another person than the worst, even though I heed it only when I have the time to think deeply about
it. I know now that even though I want some of my 'friends' to know Christ and be saved personally, I need to ask God to save me right now and in this moment. I don't know why it takes so long to get through my thick skull that I am just as bad, maybe worse in some cases, than the people I judge. My prayer right now is that I would see more of my need for Thee versus filling some of that spot with the need to put down others to make myself feel better. I want Him to lead me to the lonely and have a good conscience in saying that not only do I want my peers to be saved, but I want to be saved with them. I know I am repeating myself a lot but I can't get over how simple this sounds! It's almost ridiculous!I pray that my eyes will be opened more to seeing my fellow man through God'eyes not my own. It is a beautiful thing to truly see some one as God created them to be- a marvelous, one of a kind, creature with unsurpassed love for its Creator. I have been encouraged to fall in love with God over and over again. Hopefully, this time I will not get it right but still not get too under it that I forget to try.

"You're never a failure until you fail to try..." - Jill Wolfe


*please pray for my mom that God would heal her body and this infection that is spreading throughout it will be washed away. She is having bad cramps and wants to throw
up even though she doesn't have that much in her stomach. She is on the fifth round of antibiotics and this one is the roughest on her stomach.*
 

Solomon's Seasons

There is a time for everything,
And a season for every activity under heaven:
A time to be born and a time to die,
A time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal,
A time to tear down and a time to build,
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
A time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
A time to embrace and a time to refrain,
A time to search and a time to give up,
A time to keep and a time to throw away,
A time to tear and a time to mend,
A time to be silent and a time to speak,
A time to love and a time to hate,
A time for war and a time for peace,
He has made everything beautiful in its time...Everything God does will endure forever

I read this poem based off of Ecclesiastes 3 in the action bible that we have laying around in our house, and something about it really opened my eyes to how little I really know of what God is doing in my life right now. I feel like I have these moments when I am at a standstill and God has forgotten about me because He has bigger, better things to deal with. I guess the thing that stands out to me the most is the last line about how everything God made is beautiful in its time. Because I feel at such a standstill in my life I try to make it go faster and things happen. I'm sure I only make it harder on Him in the process because I am so anxious to get out there and fight the bad guys. I forget that one of the only ways to fight the bad guys is to really to draw closer to God. I saw this magnet a while ago that said something about how prayer is really just fighting on your knees (or something like that). Basically drawing my strength from the One who really is strong enough to not only vanquish the bad guys but also turn their hearts to see His light.

Anyways, I just wanted to confess to all the people that like this blog that you are 'following' a person who doesn't really know what they are doing themselves. I have really been praying to God that He will give me a job outside the village that includes something with food or catering because I don't want to go to school anymore. Quite a few people have told me that if I continued to go into a cooking school then once I got out in the real restaurant world, that they would eat me alive, spit me out, and try eating me again. I want what God wants ultimately and I keep laying this dream down at His feet. Sometimes I forget about it because I just want complete peace and confidence that this is actually what He wants me to do with my life. I'm also hoping to get a car with some money that my grandparents set aside for me to go to college. As you can see I just have lots of options and keep giving this back to God but I get the feeling that He really just wants to know what I want. I have been questioning and second guessing myself so much about these things that I want and wondering if God really knows why He put those desires there. I desperately want to figure them out but as you can guess with the poem, I feel that I just need to really wait for God to breathe on it.  So here goes another time just waiting on God's timing.

'Trust is giving something you don't have. Trust is holding onto someone's hand. Trust is looking without seeing, holding on and just believing all is in your Father's hands...'

I Once Was Blind but Now I See

Well, for a while I have really been asking God to open my eyes to see certain people the way He sees them. I was so sure that I had these people figured out but now that I really look at what God has been revealing to me, I can see how I was so wrong! I don't really know how to explain it much more than that. I am really grateful to God that He has really been answering my prayers because I get so deep into my 'stuff' that I think God made a mistake in the first place with wanting me as a daughter and friend. You know what I mean? It's like I get so wadded up in my own stuff that I forget to really ask God how He sees my problems and help me sort through it. I get so caught up in the fact that I think I can do it by myself even though I know that I really can't without His help. So with the Ingathering coming up and all, I am really looking forward going to this with a new pair of eyes. A pair of eyes to where I can see past the outer problems of people and really see their hearts and appreciate them for who they really are despite their qwirks.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I'm found
Was blind but now I see....

Thank you God for believing in me and not giving up even though I know I can be a hopeless case! I love you all :)

Religion Stuffed

Just recently I went to a wedding for a friend of mine. It was perfect for her and the decorations really made it special and magical just for the two of them. Anyways, while chatting with some of my friends in a circle I overheard a couple girls talking about their relatives that they considered 'very very Christian Christian'. They explained further to say that these relatives are so Christian that they're always trying to preach to their other relatives that have not found God yet.

That got me thinking about how so many have heard of the wonderful name of Jesus but half of them do not want to really get to know Him because of many different reasons. I don't know if it is people in general but I know that a lot of people don't like to have things stuffed down their throat, spiritually, especially if it has to do with religion. It can be scary and intimidating at the same time depending on the person you are with. I know that for myself I was scared to get to know Christ and really give Him control of my life because He seemed too magnanimous and big. Also I had plans and how I wanted my life to go so naturally it was hard for me to lay these down. The older I get the more I see my need for Him. For me, I would say that sometimes I can tend to stuff spiritual stuff down someone's throat because I want them to know the same kind of joy that I know because of the relationship I have with Christ. In consideration of this I want to step back and say that I don't want to stuff anything down my friend's throats. Yes I still want them to really get a good relationship with God but I don't want to be the cause of them drifting further away because I forced something else on them. Do you get what I mean? The point I want to make is that I would rather myself step back and let God reveal Himself to them in His timing and watch them struggle than choke them with my own version. Not that my version is not important because I believe that everyone has their own way of 'bragging' of God's goodness. I am not very good at the verbal stuff like other people I know.

I watched a Rob Bell video a while ago about how everything we do is spiritual and it fed me immensely. One of the things I remember him saying was that God is not meant to be a religion. That what He really wants is to become the best of friends with us. I highly doubt that God wants to force us into anything unless we are doing something terribly wrong or we are just missing all the obvious signs along the side of the road. He wants to be MY FRIEND. Thinking of God as wanting to really be my bestest friend and lover in the world, it makes me less reluctant to open up to Him. The Bible is full of scripture and stories of what God did so that He could be with us. It really is a beautiful love story, even though I myself have not sat down and intentionally read the whole Bible all the way through so I am a little at fault. Anyways, I just wanted to say that even though I am grateful beyond words can express for what God has done, and continues to do for me, I most of all want my friends to experience His goodness for themselves. Their lives will never be the same once they have been touched by Him because I know I am not the same since He touched me; and for that I am grateful.

In Honor of Mother's Day

So I have been thinking back on my younger years as a child and how much I just wanted to grow up because I thought everything would end up happily ever after. I didn't think that much about God's plans for me at the time. Anyways, this last weekend I had the privilege of working alongside some girls in Millington for a sort of 'Carl Perkins' dancing with the stars event that they were holding. One of my best friends was dancing with a guy she knew and I wanted to be there to see it. She ended up winning second place in this competition thing even though she said that they messed up horribly. I am so proud of her. Anyways, I got to spend a little time with Miss Yashanna on the drive there and back. For those of you who do not know she is my birthday mom and I love her lots :) There was this song that came on the radio called 'Never Grow Up' by Taylor Swift. Now I am not that much of a country music fan but listening to this song convicted me of the things I take for granted, having two parents being one of them. The other thing being my mother. So I wanted to post the lyrics to the song on here because it was part of my gift I gave to my mom for mother's day. These lyrics are simple but heartfelt and reminded me of all the things my mom gave up just so that I could know God in a real way. She gave up her dreams for me. This song helped me see a little bit through her eyes and how much she loves me even though I don't deserve it. She is the best mom I could ever hope for, even though we did have our up and down moments. I'm talking about my biological mom but there are so many other moms that I live with that have become just as dear to me as my own blood mother. I don't know what to say but that I'm extremely grateful and overwhelmed by God's love for me that He would give me such a great example in my moms.

Never Grow Up- by Taylor Swift
Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret
I'd give it all, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you , won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off
At 14 there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your pj's getting ready for school

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
No one's ever burned you, nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to, just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all y our little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

So I am here in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
I could still be little
Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up it could stay this simple
Won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even though you want to, please try to never grow up
Oh, don't you ever grow up
Oh, never grow up, just never grow up

A True Friend

I have been asking quite a few of my friends if they, given the chance whether to stand up to me for something I did that was wrong, would be a true friend and confront me. I think Abba said it before in one of his teachings that a true friend confronts his friends with the truth because he wants to help his fellow man grow in truth and not slink around in lies (something of this sort). What I neglected to see, because I was so concerned about who my true friends were, was whether I would be a true friend to them. It is hard for me to confront people especially when it comes to talking and opening up myself so that they can see my heart. I am sure I have said this numerous times but it is true: I am afraid I will get hurt. When I opened up to one of my friends through an email and told them about personal things, I realized it made me look weak and apologized quickly because I worried that I could get hurt. The person wrote me back saying that they didn't want me to be sorry that I opened up about what I really felt inside about a particular matter that has been going on. It encouraged me greatly that he didn't laugh in my face or try to act like he didn't even know why I had brought the subject up.

So that brings me back to the subject that I wanted to write about: will I be a true friend to my friends and stand up to them when I see them do something that doesn't agree with me? I want to say yes with all my heart but I don't know how to do this in deep detail. The best I can think of that would help my friends is if I stopped being a coward, spoke up when the need arose, and let myself get trampled on in order to bring Christ to them. God never said the road would be easy so I guess this will have to be another leap of faith. One of the papas told me recently that God allows us to make mistakes so that we can learn from them and draw closer to Him. It isn't that He doesn't love us because He does. If I didn't make mistakes I would not have a need for God in the first place. So God, if you can read my heart and surf the web, please know that I will take a step in faith and trust Your hands. That You will not let me down and keep me accountable for my friends and help me be a true friend to them. After all, what is the point of life if you don't have a little adventure?

Who is Like our God?

It has been hard for me to put my mind directly into thinking that I must keep people updated on my blogs because my mind has so many other things to think about. My passage was postponed for next month as many have already been told, which was a complete blessing from God in my opinion. They were almost gonna separate Hosanna's and my passages but God kept it together. I can't even begin to explain how grateful I am to a God who cares about my little opinions even though I think they could be trashed easily and stomped over. I am so grateful! Yet through all of this amazing stuff and feeling like I am living a fairy tale dream, I came across this writing that struck a small chord. It is a poem I made that I wanted to make into a song but couldn't get it to sound right. So I'll just let the poem explain itself even though I don't know if it's very good...

I Wanna Be Free

Worries and thoughts cloud by head

I don't know which way to go;

Why do I have to constantly fight myself?

Why can't I just give in?

I want to be free to be wholly me

Not focusing my mind on the things of this world

But to believe and trust in You always

For I am yours and my heart has been marked with your pure love

Magazines and newspapers

Are full of everything but what I'm searching for

I can't find Your face

I want to believe that You love me without reason

I want to believe that You really care about me

But then I listen to the wind

Your voice, I know, is near

Then I hear you say

'I am here, cast your burdens on me

For I am and always will be strong enough.'

I see now that no power, principality, or thing of earth

Can separate me from Your undeserving love

Cause when I see you again

I will be free to run in your arms

I will be free to be wholly yours, the one with whom I'm meant to be

I can believe, for you've set me free

And my chains of self are thrown behind

For I am Yours and You are mine.

Daddy's Little Girl

I just watched this video on you tube about several girls that had relationships with their dads but the dads either divorced the mother, left for the army, or died. It's a really sad story really but it got me to thinking about how many divorces there are in this world. I remember hearing once in a Sojourner meeting that most divorces in this world are based around money. This could go in a whole different direction but divorce is not what I want to talk about right now.

I live in rose creek village Selmer, Tennessee, the most wonderful place in the world. Right now I want to confess that I have been taking everything for granted, especially the fact that I have parents who have been married for 25 years, counting this year. The even more amazing thing is that God is not done with their marriage but he continues to strengthen it in ways I cannot understand myself but it is beautiful to watch. God is really doing an amazing work in the marriages of couples I live with and I have lost sight of it's preciousness. It is truly miraculous!

Anyways to get to the point, the last couple of trips I have been on that have been up to Michigan visiting relatives and such have been with my dad. Just me and him since my mom and other siblings were already up there. It was such a sweet time just to hang out with my dad and joke around with him. Since I have moved into another house I do not get to see him that much but I definitely miss him. That time we had together could never be replaced or forgotten in my opinion. For my nineteenth birthday he took me to have sushi for the first time in my life and we got to go to a country concert (where we saw an elvis impersonator :).

In the past I haven't had a great relationship with my dad but as I have gotten older I have seen how much I need him. I once heard that the way girls see their dad can reflect the way they see God, and I believe this with all my heart. He has helped me see more of myself and really cry out to God to help me change parts of myself that hinder me from becoming more like Christ. What I mean by that is that I am more like my dad personality wise than I am like my mom. I'm daddy's little girl :) That doesn't mean that I don't love my mom because I do....

I just wanted to take this opportunity to really thank all of my daddies around the village who encourage me to go on with God and not be scared. That God will take care of me and loves me more than I can imagine. So thank you so much for everything you do that not only builds me up but also that builds the body of Christ up as a whole. Everyone is so unique and lovable in their own ways and I am truly blessed beyond words can describe...thank you so much and I love you so much!

.."You're never a failure until you fail to try." - Jill Wolfe

Passages

Well the new year has started and a lot of things have been given to me this past month. My mom and I went out together a couple days ago to spend time together since I don't live with her anymore and we had a good time. She has begun to encourage me to think about certain things with my passage coming up (maybe April but don't really know for sure). Funny thing was she just told me tons of stuff and I barely got to write down much on my phone to really remind myself...Next time I am bringing a notebook :) Anyways, I posted on village talk a question that I was wondering if anyone would know the answer to:

How does one earn their passage right?

Along with my passage coming up, I have been wondering if I could invite my grandma Kline to it. I don't know how it will affect her but I wanted her to be there for this special turn in my life. I am hoping that by her being there for my passage that when I go up to her house in Michigan, that she will help me be accountable with what has been given to me- and I know myself that I am not a very accountable person.

Anyways, I have also been praying about God directing me to a school of some sort so I can learn to become a pastry chef and/or caterer. I feel that right now it is all in His hands and I am waiting to see if He will blow on it. I have looked up a few schools that would seem really great but now it is back in His hands. Patience can sometimes be so hard to have during this time in my life. All I seem to want to do right now is go, go, go! It's hard for me to stop and listen to His voice.

Sorry...I Forgot

Dear friends,

I am so sorry that I have not written in my blog for about two years straight now! I guess I just lost the will and then got busy with other things... Also I wanted to say that what I have written so far in my blog for me has represented lessons I have learned in life so far and sort-of lost direction. When I first started writing I did so because not only was it part of school but I wanted to use it one day when I go to Africa or New Orleans (which is where I have dreamed of visiting) and about the memories I had there. So I wanted to repeat again how sorry I am that I have let basically everyone down. There are so many reasons why I stopped for such a long time but problem was that I was getting so concerned that what I was writing preachy things and didn't want it to be like that. So basically the problem was that I was focusing too much on the problem and not looking for a solution. Thank you for being so patient and I hope to someday have my own computer so I can write more interesting things that can encourage you...

I have not written much because I have been thinking a lot. The Ingathering, a celebration/tradition Rose Creek Village has annually, has taken a little brain power and the other bit has been thinking about the Sojourners. I am very excited to be in this group and I can feel that God is going to move in an extraordinary way this Ingathering! Anyways, this post I wanted to write was about keep on going when it is hard.

I have really been feeling a test of faith in a lot that I do and it has shaken me. My dad is going through some difficulties in work because of small things but he is looking to God for help. We are all looking to God for help because this is jeopardizing his job at Bodine Aluminum. I am scared but I know that there is really a war of the spirit being fought at this time between him and a fellow worker. I can feel it raging in my soul and asking me if I will still believe that God is bigger than my problems. I know He is. My question for myself is if I will act on it and believe that God is bigger than anything Satan puts in my way. I cannot help but cry. Satan is very tempting I can see that with how my dad holds back his anger and puts forth love instead. Always love. I am proud to be his daughter and know that if this ever gets through, then it will be all to the glory of Love. He will do it and I believe this with my whole heart, mind and soul.

I just got done watching an incredible movie about a man who let love guide his actions and rule in his heart. He could have gotten mad because he was of a different religion or race but he didn't. He persevered and kept showing love all the time. Love really does make a difference if you let it. It can change people's lives beyond what they imagined and more. I could go on and on about how much this gave me a new perspective to life. There was one song, though, that he sang all the time and it was this:

We shall overcome, we shall overcome

We shall overcome someday

Oh deep in my heart

I do believe

We shall overcome someday

He just kept singing that over and over again not even singing the whole song itself. Even those words are powerful without the whole thing being sung because it is sung with belief. Here is my version of the song:

Love shall overcome, Love shall overcome

Love shall overcome someday

Oh deep in my heart

I do believe

Love shall overcome all things

Becoming a Godly Person

Lately I have been thinking hard. The group of kids I am with, just recently named the Sojourners, have been daily challenged to watch our emotions (mainly anger and fear). When I got this homework from Abba, I thought I was going to die. However, I survived to tell the story! It was an amazing experience and I challenge myself to do it everyday. It opened my eyes to how much I can easily get annoyed with my siblings, with my friends, and how easily I lose patience and grace. I cannot say I am fully changed because of it but I can say that it has deepened my perspectives and showed me my weakness. I found this poem I had to memorize when I was in 5th or 6th grade and it turned out to be very helpful. Here it is:

If   By Rudyard Kipling                         

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;

If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two imposters just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings -- nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run --

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!

Hopefully, this can encourage you as well! This poem is one of my favorites and I am working on myself with this day by day. It is hard but I think that in the end, not only will you be a woman or man but you will be a Godly person and someone God can trust. I look forward to the day when I become a full grown godly person in Christ!

Experiencing/Seeing God

June Conference was awesome!!! I really got to experience being pulled lots of different ways at once; that was because not only was I helping with food, but also practicing four dances I was to perform that weekend. The dances turned out so beautifully and I am grateful that I got to be in them. Have you ever gone outside at night and danced in the moonlight? It is such an unforgettable experience! For all of those who do not get to see the moon that much, you have no clue what you are missing. It is beautiful beyond words can describe! It is amazing getting to live in the country because, well... nothing compares to it in my mind. I wake up to the birds singing in my front yard and go to sleep with crickets and frogs humming me to sleep at night. Anyways, about the moonlight dance. When I got back from Rhode Island, that is what I did for the first few nights. It was almost like the crickets were singing for me and I just couldn't help the love and gratefulness I felt inside! God fills me up so much living here in Rose Creek Village that I could never wish to live anywhere else. Not for all the money in the world! We, my friends and I, got to experience seeing God among people who really love Him and it was breathtaking. It was like we almost got to see through the veil and into another realm... Have you ever been able to see God intimately? Truly if Miss Tennessee could experience it, our state would feel God come so close that they would stop and wonder what happened...

God's Beauty- don't you think about it?

I do not know about everyone else today, but I am just in love with God all over again! He is so wonderful to me and His beauty surrounds me all the time! I could not have asked for a better place to grow up. I have loving parents, who are together in everything and love me unconditionally, and a wonderful house to live in! We just had someone move in with us not long ago and I am enjoying getting to know her. Her name is Grandma Anavah and I constantly see... well,.. the spirit of God shining through her eyes everyday. It makes her so beautiful! My two younger sisters are so beautiful and their joy is contagious! Noelle makes me laugh all the time and she looks so innocent...unless you count the fact that she is a little devil in an angel's costume sometimes. My younger brother tries acting so macho it gets funny. He is bigger than me, and for good reason, but I got a chance to laugh at him when we were ducking low branches while leaving the Pink Palace in Memphis. He is just a big boy...and I mean big! I am just blessed to live in the Kingdom of God and could not wish for anything else (besides the opportunity to go out abroad again!). I am going to be very busy soon and wanted to write a good post before missing a few weeks. I am helping with Rose Creek Village Conference food and baking for the Village Coffee House in Selmer.

A father had a family of sons who were perpetually quarreling among themselves. One day, he told them to bring him a bundle of sticks. When they had done so, he placed the bundle into the hands of each of them in succession, and ordered his sons to break the bundle in pieces. They tried with all their strength, but were not able to do it. He next opened the bundle, took the sticks separately, one by one, and again put them into his sons' hands, upon which they broke the sticks easily. He then said, "My sons, if you are of one mind, and unite to assist each other, you will be as this bundle, uninjured by all the attempts of your enemies. But if you are divided among yourselves, you will be broken as easily as these sticks."

I read this fable of Aesop's and thought it very true. It makes me think of how when people are united together to protect and love one another constantly, they cannot be broken apart. It is only when we are alone and separate that the Devil can break us. This is an amazing example of the life of God and how important unity is. 

p.s. sorry this got out so late... I was trying to figure out how to put another post back on!

Have you ever thought about what empowers people to do good? Is it the love of God or the fact that they know that that is what they are suppose to do? In my mind, I would think that it is the love of God that compels us to do good. I have been reading about missionaries, such as Amy Carmichael, Father Damien, Mary Slessor, and C.S Lewis, Hudson Taylor, etc. Their stories are amazing and remind me of the goodness of God. God's goodness and love are always there for us Christians so that we know He will catch us should we fall. So, now that I have revealed what is on my mind, what is on yours? What do you think empowers people to do good?