In Honor of Mother's Day

So I have been thinking back on my younger years as a child and how much I just wanted to grow up because I thought everything would end up happily ever after. I didn't think that much about God's plans for me at the time. Anyways, this last weekend I had the privilege of working alongside some girls in Millington for a sort of 'Carl Perkins' dancing with the stars event that they were holding. One of my best friends was dancing with a guy she knew and I wanted to be there to see it. She ended up winning second place in this competition thing even though she said that they messed up horribly. I am so proud of her. Anyways, I got to spend a little time with Miss Yashanna on the drive there and back. For those of you who do not know she is my birthday mom and I love her lots :) There was this song that came on the radio called 'Never Grow Up' by Taylor Swift. Now I am not that much of a country music fan but listening to this song convicted me of the things I take for granted, having two parents being one of them. The other thing being my mother. So I wanted to post the lyrics to the song on here because it was part of my gift I gave to my mom for mother's day. These lyrics are simple but heartfelt and reminded me of all the things my mom gave up just so that I could know God in a real way. She gave up her dreams for me. This song helped me see a little bit through her eyes and how much she loves me even though I don't deserve it. She is the best mom I could ever hope for, even though we did have our up and down moments. I'm talking about my biological mom but there are so many other moms that I live with that have become just as dear to me as my own blood mother. I don't know what to say but that I'm extremely grateful and overwhelmed by God's love for me that He would give me such a great example in my moms.

Never Grow Up- by Taylor Swift
Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret
I'd give it all, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you , won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off
At 14 there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your pj's getting ready for school

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
No one's ever burned you, nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to, just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all y our little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

So I am here in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
I could still be little
Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up it could stay this simple
Won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even though you want to, please try to never grow up
Oh, don't you ever grow up
Oh, never grow up, just never grow up

A True Friend

I have been asking quite a few of my friends if they, given the chance whether to stand up to me for something I did that was wrong, would be a true friend and confront me. I think Abba said it before in one of his teachings that a true friend confronts his friends with the truth because he wants to help his fellow man grow in truth and not slink around in lies (something of this sort). What I neglected to see, because I was so concerned about who my true friends were, was whether I would be a true friend to them. It is hard for me to confront people especially when it comes to talking and opening up myself so that they can see my heart. I am sure I have said this numerous times but it is true: I am afraid I will get hurt. When I opened up to one of my friends through an email and told them about personal things, I realized it made me look weak and apologized quickly because I worried that I could get hurt. The person wrote me back saying that they didn't want me to be sorry that I opened up about what I really felt inside about a particular matter that has been going on. It encouraged me greatly that he didn't laugh in my face or try to act like he didn't even know why I had brought the subject up.

So that brings me back to the subject that I wanted to write about: will I be a true friend to my friends and stand up to them when I see them do something that doesn't agree with me? I want to say yes with all my heart but I don't know how to do this in deep detail. The best I can think of that would help my friends is if I stopped being a coward, spoke up when the need arose, and let myself get trampled on in order to bring Christ to them. God never said the road would be easy so I guess this will have to be another leap of faith. One of the papas told me recently that God allows us to make mistakes so that we can learn from them and draw closer to Him. It isn't that He doesn't love us because He does. If I didn't make mistakes I would not have a need for God in the first place. So God, if you can read my heart and surf the web, please know that I will take a step in faith and trust Your hands. That You will not let me down and keep me accountable for my friends and help me be a true friend to them. After all, what is the point of life if you don't have a little adventure?

Who is Like our God?

It has been hard for me to put my mind directly into thinking that I must keep people updated on my blogs because my mind has so many other things to think about. My passage was postponed for next month as many have already been told, which was a complete blessing from God in my opinion. They were almost gonna separate Hosanna's and my passages but God kept it together. I can't even begin to explain how grateful I am to a God who cares about my little opinions even though I think they could be trashed easily and stomped over. I am so grateful! Yet through all of this amazing stuff and feeling like I am living a fairy tale dream, I came across this writing that struck a small chord. It is a poem I made that I wanted to make into a song but couldn't get it to sound right. So I'll just let the poem explain itself even though I don't know if it's very good...

I Wanna Be Free

Worries and thoughts cloud by head

I don't know which way to go;

Why do I have to constantly fight myself?

Why can't I just give in?

I want to be free to be wholly me

Not focusing my mind on the things of this world

But to believe and trust in You always

For I am yours and my heart has been marked with your pure love

Magazines and newspapers

Are full of everything but what I'm searching for

I can't find Your face

I want to believe that You love me without reason

I want to believe that You really care about me

But then I listen to the wind

Your voice, I know, is near

Then I hear you say

'I am here, cast your burdens on me

For I am and always will be strong enough.'

I see now that no power, principality, or thing of earth

Can separate me from Your undeserving love

Cause when I see you again

I will be free to run in your arms

I will be free to be wholly yours, the one with whom I'm meant to be

I can believe, for you've set me free

And my chains of self are thrown behind

For I am Yours and You are mine.

Daddy's Little Girl

I just watched this video on you tube about several girls that had relationships with their dads but the dads either divorced the mother, left for the army, or died. It's a really sad story really but it got me to thinking about how many divorces there are in this world. I remember hearing once in a Sojourner meeting that most divorces in this world are based around money. This could go in a whole different direction but divorce is not what I want to talk about right now.

I live in rose creek village Selmer, Tennessee, the most wonderful place in the world. Right now I want to confess that I have been taking everything for granted, especially the fact that I have parents who have been married for 25 years, counting this year. The even more amazing thing is that God is not done with their marriage but he continues to strengthen it in ways I cannot understand myself but it is beautiful to watch. God is really doing an amazing work in the marriages of couples I live with and I have lost sight of it's preciousness. It is truly miraculous!

Anyways to get to the point, the last couple of trips I have been on that have been up to Michigan visiting relatives and such have been with my dad. Just me and him since my mom and other siblings were already up there. It was such a sweet time just to hang out with my dad and joke around with him. Since I have moved into another house I do not get to see him that much but I definitely miss him. That time we had together could never be replaced or forgotten in my opinion. For my nineteenth birthday he took me to have sushi for the first time in my life and we got to go to a country concert (where we saw an elvis impersonator :).

In the past I haven't had a great relationship with my dad but as I have gotten older I have seen how much I need him. I once heard that the way girls see their dad can reflect the way they see God, and I believe this with all my heart. He has helped me see more of myself and really cry out to God to help me change parts of myself that hinder me from becoming more like Christ. What I mean by that is that I am more like my dad personality wise than I am like my mom. I'm daddy's little girl :) That doesn't mean that I don't love my mom because I do....

I just wanted to take this opportunity to really thank all of my daddies around the village who encourage me to go on with God and not be scared. That God will take care of me and loves me more than I can imagine. So thank you so much for everything you do that not only builds me up but also that builds the body of Christ up as a whole. Everyone is so unique and lovable in their own ways and I am truly blessed beyond words can describe...thank you so much and I love you so much!

.."You're never a failure until you fail to try." - Jill Wolfe

Passages

Well the new year has started and a lot of things have been given to me this past month. My mom and I went out together a couple days ago to spend time together since I don't live with her anymore and we had a good time. She has begun to encourage me to think about certain things with my passage coming up (maybe April but don't really know for sure). Funny thing was she just told me tons of stuff and I barely got to write down much on my phone to really remind myself...Next time I am bringing a notebook :) Anyways, I posted on village talk a question that I was wondering if anyone would know the answer to:

How does one earn their passage right?

Along with my passage coming up, I have been wondering if I could invite my grandma Kline to it. I don't know how it will affect her but I wanted her to be there for this special turn in my life. I am hoping that by her being there for my passage that when I go up to her house in Michigan, that she will help me be accountable with what has been given to me- and I know myself that I am not a very accountable person.

Anyways, I have also been praying about God directing me to a school of some sort so I can learn to become a pastry chef and/or caterer. I feel that right now it is all in His hands and I am waiting to see if He will blow on it. I have looked up a few schools that would seem really great but now it is back in His hands. Patience can sometimes be so hard to have during this time in my life. All I seem to want to do right now is go, go, go! It's hard for me to stop and listen to His voice.

Sorry...I Forgot

Dear friends,

I am so sorry that I have not written in my blog for about two years straight now! I guess I just lost the will and then got busy with other things... Also I wanted to say that what I have written so far in my blog for me has represented lessons I have learned in life so far and sort-of lost direction. When I first started writing I did so because not only was it part of school but I wanted to use it one day when I go to Africa or New Orleans (which is where I have dreamed of visiting) and about the memories I had there. So I wanted to repeat again how sorry I am that I have let basically everyone down. There are so many reasons why I stopped for such a long time but problem was that I was getting so concerned that what I was writing preachy things and didn't want it to be like that. So basically the problem was that I was focusing too much on the problem and not looking for a solution. Thank you for being so patient and I hope to someday have my own computer so I can write more interesting things that can encourage you...

I have not written much because I have been thinking a lot. The Ingathering, a celebration/tradition Rose Creek Village has annually, has taken a little brain power and the other bit has been thinking about the Sojourners. I am very excited to be in this group and I can feel that God is going to move in an extraordinary way this Ingathering! Anyways, this post I wanted to write was about keep on going when it is hard.

I have really been feeling a test of faith in a lot that I do and it has shaken me. My dad is going through some difficulties in work because of small things but he is looking to God for help. We are all looking to God for help because this is jeopardizing his job at Bodine Aluminum. I am scared but I know that there is really a war of the spirit being fought at this time between him and a fellow worker. I can feel it raging in my soul and asking me if I will still believe that God is bigger than my problems. I know He is. My question for myself is if I will act on it and believe that God is bigger than anything Satan puts in my way. I cannot help but cry. Satan is very tempting I can see that with how my dad holds back his anger and puts forth love instead. Always love. I am proud to be his daughter and know that if this ever gets through, then it will be all to the glory of Love. He will do it and I believe this with my whole heart, mind and soul.

I just got done watching an incredible movie about a man who let love guide his actions and rule in his heart. He could have gotten mad because he was of a different religion or race but he didn't. He persevered and kept showing love all the time. Love really does make a difference if you let it. It can change people's lives beyond what they imagined and more. I could go on and on about how much this gave me a new perspective to life. There was one song, though, that he sang all the time and it was this:

We shall overcome, we shall overcome

We shall overcome someday

Oh deep in my heart

I do believe

We shall overcome someday

He just kept singing that over and over again not even singing the whole song itself. Even those words are powerful without the whole thing being sung because it is sung with belief. Here is my version of the song:

Love shall overcome, Love shall overcome

Love shall overcome someday

Oh deep in my heart

I do believe

Love shall overcome all things